It had been all-most three weeks, but I could still hear the words ringing in my head as if he were still sitting next to me. He looked at me with those steely blue eyes, as he had done so lovingly for two years he said, “I’m sorry but youre just not ‘The One’”. In that moment I was stunned, breathless, and confused. How could this man who I had shared my heart, fears, and body with for these years tell me it was over. In that moment my mind was on autopilot, and so not knowing what to do in that moment I walked away. But three weeks later, when the realization had finally taken hold and the pain had bored its way deep into my heart, a new voice appeared with a new message, “you're not good enough and you’ll never be good enough.”
As a single woman I have experienced a season of singleness for good deal of time. Even though I have dated off and on over my three (plus) decades on earth, I haven’t been married. I have had plenty of first dates, second dates, stood up dates, last dates, and rain check dates, but never a wedding date. I have been cheated on, lied to, and manipulated. I have also been treated like a princess and been the fly over “friend” (when someone flys into town for the weekend or event and wants to see you or needs a date). And I have experienced what I call the crushing blow several times, “You’re an amazing person and the perfect girl, but you're not what I want.” Ouch!
Every woman will likely go through the pain of breaking up with someone before she is married. If you haven’t, consider yourself blessed and buy a lottery ticket! The pain of a break-up hits deeper than any physical wound I have ever experienced. Its often one of the deepest emotional wounds we experience as women. We women wont admit this outright, but our biggest fear is to be alone, and this why the pain of a break-up cuts us so deep. Being alone can be a painful wound that for some is constantly being opened and exposed, never getting a chance to heal. This is especially true if you feel God is calling you into the ministry of being a wife and yet you are nowhere near the prospect of marriage.
It sounds silly, but God has been so gracious as to bless me with several extended seasons of singleness to guide me into reflection. Sometimes these seasons were self-imposed and other times they were God imposed. No matter how the season occurred, it was an opportunity to reflect on his will and word for my life. Understanding God’s will and plan for your life in seasons of singleness helps to prepare you for seasons of relationship. Do I still have the pain and hurt of breakups, of course, and it doesnt bring the guy(s) back either. I still incurred periods of loneliness but it was through these seasons that God prepared me for the next season I would enter. These experiences are preparation for becoming the godly woman for which you were created.
Psalm 139:23-24 says; “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” The psalmist is asking God to come and know deep inside what we are all about. The Message translation says this; “Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong – then guide me on the road to eternal life.” The wonderful thing about God is that he knows you, and knows you at your CORE, and still loves you the same! God tells you "You dont need to be good enough for man, because you are already GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!" AMEN
It is my hope for you that as I share my story, experience, and God’s word with you in these pages that you will begin to mend the wounds that have hurt you so deeply. By mending and closing those old wounds, God will begin to lead you in His very best way, and for a single lady, that way is preparing you to be a godly woman. I want to challenge you to begin to seek an active and deep relationship with God.
Pause & Journal: God has a purpose and plan for our lives, even the pain and hurt of a breakup. Has God used a particularly difficult time in your life to grow you, or to help someone else grow? If you can think of one right now, can you think of a way that you can use your pain and hurt to grow in God? If you havent experienced a particularly difficult break-up or experience, how can you praise God for his direction?
Prayer: In the midst of our pain is often when we cry out the loudest to God. This often involves our cries of pain, hurt, and loneliness, but what about if we cried out in submission. “Lord, open my eyes and soften my heart so that I may release (name what is burdening you) that is holding onto me. Release (name it) so that I may do what you need me to do and learn to trust in you. Lord, in whatever season you have me in I pray that it would bear your fruit. Forgive me Lord, that I let (name it) get bigger than you. Replace the (name it) in my heart and life with you. I surrender these burdens and life to you.” Amen